Ever
have one of those days when some little thing happen or was said and you lost
control of your emotions? I’m sure you have and maybe more than once in your
life. Well, I had one of those days a couple weeks ago and I lost it or should I
say I thought I did, my wallet and my temper. However, that’s not a little
thing when you’re in another country by yourself and don’t speak the language. But
my emotions this time were not director at a person, but God, my Heavenly
Father.
These
kind of events or blow up usually happen when things get kept inside far too
long. As you know, I have lived under unusual circumstance and situations for a
number of months now, and yes I made that choice to do so. But saying “yes” and
actually doing and living it, is another thing. Living in a van is not the must
ideal situation, especially if your over six feet tall. Getting dressed is just
one of the challenges, However, sometimes I have to change several time a day,
because of the temperature changes and often things fall out of my pocket during
the process which includes my wallet. But I usually find it quickly. This time
I didn’t and I thought I must have lost it some other way or place.
Not
being able to speak much Spanish has been frustrating to say the least, and
seeing the way people help or treat the poor Mexicans was another and then I
lost Rota’s phone number and left my Bible at church, which I thought was lost
too, until the next Sunday, and most of all the disappointment from certain expectations.
But loosing your wallet, which contained all the money I had left, a debit
card, tourist permit and my driver license was no small thing. But it was the
last straw on my back, which had also been hurting from a pounding boat ride
with Juan one day. I tried to stay calm and pray; seeking God’s peace and
wisdom, but it didn’t work this time. Finally after going though the van
several times, I broke-down and let it all out.
I
told God I was tired of waiting and I was ready to quit, but now I couldn’t
leave even if I wanted to. I knew this would all somehow all, but I didn’t even
want to deal with trying to replace what was in my wallet. I also said a lot of
other things too that morning that I won’t repeat. This went on for quit a
while. But, when all the emotional words and the anger were gone I told God I
still loved Him even though I didn’t understand from my broken heart and aching
body. And even if I did found my wallet it still didn’t change what I said or
the way I felt. I was numb and speechless; I didn’t want to eat, see Juan or do
anything.
Finally
I when to Juan’s house and told him I lost my wallet. We even drove around
looking, then I started to search through the van again and the he said, “Did you
check on other side of bed?” as he pointed with his hand. I said, “ Yes, I even
took the blanket off and looked.” But for some reason I laid across the bed and
looked again, and there it was, right under my nose. I was silent. Juan asked
again if it was there. I replied, “Yes” and held it up so he could see it.
Relief swept over me as tears filled my eyes. I want to do so much for the
people here; I just have to be more patient.
Then
later that day I took a walk on the beach and talk with God. I told Him, that
it didn’t change anything that I said earlier. Then He told me, I understand
your anger, frustrations, disappointments and expectations. I feel that way at
times too. But we have to wait just a little longer for just the right time.” I
told him, I still loved Him. He said, “I know that, you always have. You left
everything and you’ve given everything you have and that‘s still not enough.
The only thing that will satisfy you—is Me. And that’s why you please Me.”
God
told me, that He wants me to be free to talk to Him and say whatever is on my
heart or mind, even if it came out in frustration or sometimes anger. Someday
people will understand that the most important thing in life is not the
physical or spiritual things that they strive for, but a relationship with Him.
(Sure we have these panic attacks from time to time. Jesus even had one in the
Garden of Gethsemane, but after three hours He had the peace and strength to
get-up off the ground and continue doing His Father’s will and the journey to
the cross.)
The
next day I didn’t see Juan’s family at all, they had to town and where gone the
whole day, so it was a quite day; just my Father and I alone in La Manga. But
is my spirit I sensed something had happen and things were going to change rapidly.
Then the following morning I met Evan as I was walking on the beach.
 |
| Evan |
Evan
was 41 years old and he had never been married, he lived in Denver, Colorado
for 25 years, but was born and raised in the country of Chili. He was a
construction engineer and had taken a couple months off to get away from the hectic
city-life and camp on the beaches of Mexico. I told him, ”You found just the
right place and more.” All he had with him were two black carry bags, which
held a tent, air mat, sleeping bag and his clothes. A taxi cab had dropped him
off there in La Manga. Over the next four days we had many opportunities to
talk and he also help me to communicate with Juan’s family and others. I also
told him that God brought him there for a reason. I shared many things
including my calling as a prophet, and planted seeds for the Holy Spirit to
water in God’s timing. Before I dropped him off to catch a bus I told him, “His
life would change someday, because of our divine appointment.”
The
night after I met Evan’s I had a dream, and in the dream God should me how to
set the poor free. The Lord also said, “I don’t care how they got poor, whether
it was because of drinking, gambling, or giving all their money to a fast tongue
talking preacher, I want my people free of poverty.” Then that morning, I took
another walk on a different beach and met three young people camping they’re
first day in La Manga, one of them lived in Denver, but he was born in Chili.
Hum-m, I wonder if God is trying to show me something, only time will tell as
He continues to direct my life.
A
few days later, I was becoming discouraged again, and so I decided to put on
some worship music. However, as I went looking through my selection of CD’s I
saw one that said Israel on it, dated 8/27. So I listen to it. It turn out to
be a prophecy from God, telling David and I that night, not to think like
American thinks, they always expect something in return for their efforts, but for
us to be content with a audience of One. And, don’t worry about what others
think, plus a lot more that encouraged me. After I heard it again the next
night, it lifted my spirit so much that I got out of my van and prophesied from
the bluffs above the Pacific Ocean. I spoke the Heart of God regarding the
people in Mexico and setting the poor free, it also set me free.
Note:
Feeling a need to give Juan’s family and myself a break, I will be going back to
the United State for about a week to do and get some things I need and for
extending my time in Mexico or any other country God sends me. I am looking
forward to going back that you will read it in my next article. Have a happy
new year, as you seek to know Him more and His awesome love and plans for your
life.
P.
S. Things are changing rapidly, but not the way I expected. Three days ago my
van wouldn’t start. Aaron did the best he could, he fix Juan’s truck and he put
new plug and points new rotor cap, but it still would not start. So we towed it
to a Chevy dealer. They are working on it and this may take all the money a I
have, but God is in control and I have his peace and trust Him. No melt-down
this time. They have to check the timing, which requires taking everything off
the front end of the motor. So my plans to go to the U.S. have been put on
hold. Sorry not more pictures. Low battery power.
