Going Home



                           Roberta, isn't she beautiful.

When I married Roberta, she was the most beautiful and precious thing to me. Unfortunately, in a very short I failed to see her as the most important gift from God in my life. I “acted” and “loved” the way many other men did. I really didn't love and respect her from the beginning the way I should have. Over the years I made a lot of excuses. I even tried to love the right way, but it never lasted very long, because it was never the way our Heavenly Father wanted me To Love. I failed to lead and love my wife and see her through God's eyes as a beautiful, loving daughter of His, and she has become a woman of great faith. Sadly, over the early years of our marriage, I loved other things more, including myself and hurt her in the process. I knew God meant for us to be together and still do. But I have failed and disappointed her so many times over the years

From my late teens when I accepted Christ into my heart, I have always wanted to please God, but there again I failed many times too. However, He has always loved me and picked me up to try again. Restoration is at the heart of the Father, and I also know He wants to restore my marriage. But it will require more of me to go beyond anything I've done before, and that is to die to self-love and ambition. I need to quit trying to defend myself and accept the challenge Jesus did in the Garden; “not my will but yours be done.”

I have gotten to know the Father’s heart better over the past seven years. But was still lacking in some areas. However, this past year has been the greatest change in learning to understand His grace. This is sometimes difficult to put into words. Yet I have seen the change in me and a desire to love my wife through Christ's love; not only in words, but also in my actions. My pride and emotions still try to get in the way, but that will change as I put First Corinthians 13, and Sheldon's words into practice.

As most of you know, I left everything when I came to Mexico, including my wife. When I left our marriage was a mess, and that was not her fault, but mine. Unfortunately, in the process I hurt her even more including other family members, especially my daughter. No words can describe how badly I now feel or the emotional pain I must have caused all of them, plus the difficulties of Roberta having to live alone these past two and a half years that I have been gone. Even though I communicated regularly with her, it was not enough. I had past issues I was still dealing with that held me back. I admit it I have been a jerk many times, and hurt her far more than I will ever know.

Roberta is kind, generous and loving and she has honored me, and she deserved a better husband than me. However, I am very grateful that she has put up with me, my blunders and my poor behavior at times, even after I came back to the Lord. As I said, it will take a lot of time for me to earn her trust again.

I believe that this has been good for both of us too, despite the hardships at times. In this long season we both got to know the Father's heart better and learned to trust Him completely for all our needs. I'm not trying to “sugar-coat” my behavior, but God does works all these things for good, even our mistakes, into his divine plan. I have always felt in my heart God would restore our marriage, and I believe it will be better than we ever thought possible.

Josephs' brothers sold him into slavery and in the process he became the prince of Egypt. Their actions were evil, but God meant it for good, and there was restoration. My past intentions and actions were also often selfish, mean or overly zealous for God, and in the long run Roberta has become a Princess that I will now be pleased to serve. This is not another project that I will loose interest in when it get too difficult, but a lifetime commitment. This time I will finish what God started, and she will be proud of the man she married, as I am of her. However, I also know I will be facing the biggest challenge of my life, but not an impossible one. God promised is to restore and to make all things new. And I’m counting on working with Him, in order to make that dream and promise come true.

I enjoyed my time in Mexico, despite being alone much of the time. I have made many wonderful friends that I will really miss them. I also learn so much here, and I believed I helped plant some seeds for His Kingdom. I still believe God sent me here, but I could be wrong, and it would not be the first time. However, I'm trusting that, “all things work together for good for them who love God and are called according to His purpose.” Peter left his wife and followed Jesus, but then after His Ascension, Peter returned to love his wife the way Christ loved him. I've wondered how she must of felt about what he had done. God's ways are always different than mans. In this journey with God, I also learned that I wanted and needed a wife, MY WIFE, by my side, so together we can do even greater things wherever we are.

Restoring our marriage may take much longer than I would like. However, it would be totally impossible without His help. Hopefully, I will do a much better job, with fewer mistakes and a better attitude. God has been creating in me a new heart and husband that will love his wife as Christ loves her.

God always gives us the freedom to choose, and He knew all the choices I would make, including the one to return home to my beautiful wife and family. I will be leaving Mexico shortly as we both prepare our hearts for a new adventure together in Central Washington. Life with Abba Father, has many adventures and challenges. Hopefully, after this one, I will be an entirely new man, refined by the fire of God's awesome love and grace.

I enjoyed writing on this blog site, it was never meant to be focused on me or hurt anyone. I wrote for an audience of One, my Heavenly Father. I love talking about Him, working with Him, and sharing the changes in me. HE IS MY LIFE. Forgive me for any arrogance in my words now or in the past, I don't always convey things the best way I could or should, and I certainly don't know it all. Only God does. In the future, if He desires for me to write more on this blog, it will be from the perspective of a loving husband and “we.” I thank God, my wife and Sheldon, and other friends like you for your love, prayers and support. I will close with these words from God that helped me decide it was time to go back home: “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved His church.”

Going home; sounds good to me!

P.S. Have a great winter, spring and year, learning more from our Heavenly Father. While I was down here in Mexico I read the book, Redeeming Love, by Frances River, many many times that I had brought with me. Sowing it message into my spirit. If you have never read it, I highly recommend reading it, or again if you have. It’s an awesome novel on God's love and marriage. Check back with me June or later and see if I have anything more that we would want to share on this Blog. Until then, God bless you and keep on loving.

Love and Marriage

There has been a big turn of events for me this past month, at least in my thought regarding marriage, mainly mine. I am not an authority on marriage by a long shot, and I'm not going to try and fool you. However, I do know someone who is, and that is our Heavenly Father.

We have all observed marriages, in many ways have used them to form our thoughts and opinions regarding marriage. Plus we have also heard many teachers, ministers preach on love and marriage. But for some reason we see very few happy and successful ones today, even in the church. Where the divorce rate is as high as non-believers. The reason for that is because of the Fall, where the first mistakes was made by the first couple, Adam and Eve. They chose to disregard God’s words, and Adam listened or yielded to his wife’s desires instead. This is not about blame, they both made mistakes and acted as one in flesh not in spirit with their Father.

Since that time those sinful actions have filtered down through time to where life and marriage is far from what it was meant to be, and mine was no exception. Adam was meant to love His wife the way their Father loved him and his wife. However, those instincts gave way to foolish desires, and we have been fumbling the ball ever since.

God gave us many example of how He brought two people together. When Adam saw his wife he loved her, so did Jacob and Isaac when they first met, even Ruth and Boaz. Some married others without a choice or say in the matter. (300 Benjamin's men stole their bride to be, to restore their tribe ) Every situation was different. There was no courtship, no falling in love, but a knowing that this was the one meant for them or part of God's plan. I believe that should still be our main objective or criteria when considering marriage. We should know God's heart on the matter of who and when and where and how it is to take place, and then decide. Yet as we study those marriages and many others in the Bible we see very few marriages that were always happy. Because, happiness is not the foundation of marriage, it is love. But what kind of love would it take to please God in this holy union He desire for us to have for our spouse. Solomon wrote a book on love, “Song of Songs” means the greatest of songs; portraying two lovers. It is also a prophetic picture of the marriage of Christ with His bride. Yet very few seem to capture the true message. So God sent His son, Jesus Christ to set the example. Then the apostles write briefly on the subject of marriage and how it was to be lived out within the Body of Christ. Here's one of them:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Wives, be submissive to you husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the heard of the church...But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Eph. 5:22-32)

Wow, how many husbands and marriages do you see like that? Not very many I bet. The husband is suppose to be the head and set the example. Unfortunately, many have fallen into the same bad habit as Adam and I did. He blamed his wife, and it has continued ever since. Adam could have warned her, or refused to give-in to her weakness, setting an example for all mankind. But he failed to heed God's words, and ignored his first love, Abba Father.

We are to love our wives as Christ loves us, and with that same spirit of LOVE. To love and obey God first, and then love others as ourselves. If the husband has chosen to follow Christ, he should be lead by His Spirit and Word, spelled out in First Corinthians chapter 13. This is the Father's love. It is also the nature of Christ, and to be our nature as well as our creed:

“Love is patient, love is kind and love is not jealous; love is not arrogant, does not act unbecoming; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoices in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things , believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...

I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.”

Human love seems to fall short in all these areas and have made a lot of excuses, especially in letting go of wrongs suffered—endures all things--and love never fails. God's love and forgiveness is the foundation in any relationship that's meant to last.

As I said before, I plan to go back to my wife, in order to allow God to restore our marriage. I have hurt her many times throughout our marriage, and been a real jerk at times, and she deserved better than what she got. Yet I believe I can to a better job this time, because of a number of things I have just shared, plus from being here in Mexico.

My wife, Roberta, is a godly women and I'm a different man still maturing. However, it may take some time to restore her trust in me. But that's okay I deserved a kick in the pants. Restoration would be totally impossible without Christ’ love and rebukes. After all God disciplines every son, including me. But, I'm also encouraged by His promise too; “I will fix what is broken and restore and make all things new,” and God does not lie and I'm betting everything on that. Restoration from God is always better than what it was before.

I believe our new marriage can be an inspiration and a prophetic picture of His desire for all marriages, His church and for the Nation of Israel; to become One with Him. God is also using other sons to do the same thing. Then heaven can truly come to earth again through that Oneness we share in Him, and “restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers,” and His children toward the Heavenly Father. And we can all walk with Abba in the new Garden of Eden.

I would like to close with a portions of some things Sheldon sent me on God’s love:

“Beloved” in the New Testament is connected to the Greek word agape. This makes it a very special word, one that reveals the Heavenly Father’s special kind of love, a love that flows to people from Christ and flows through people when they are broken vessels who reveal his nature.

The most perfect meaning I can find for the word is: TO LOVE. Beloved means TO LOVE. It denotes both the object of love and the action of love. The Heavenly Father spoke from heaven, saying to Jesus, “You are my TO LOVE Son, the object of my active love.” Apostle Paul said to the Ephesians, “God has made you acceptable within my TO LOVE Son, and this means my focus and love actions are toward you.” And the Bride in Song of Songs said, “You are my TO LOVE man, and I am your TO LOVE woman.”

Again, beloved denotes both the object and the action of love.

It is evident you love God, and that is good...On a divine level, you love Christ and are dedicated to him. You have made God your object of love. And that is good. But... from the time you put a ring on your wife’s finger, you were meant to look only at her, pouring your human passions, dreams, hopes, secrets, gifts, joys, hurts, and overflow of your relationship with Christ into her.”

(I pray that all husband can take these words to the MAX, including me.)