No, I didn't want to be a pastor. But after some time had passed, I approached my heavenly Father and said, "Yes, if that's what you want me to be, I will be a pastor." Then God said something that surprised me, "OK, now you can be whatever you want." I said, "Really?" Well, I thought, I would like to become an artist if that were possible. I had painted a couple years by that point and was doing well for as young as I was. I also enjoyed painting, but had never considered it as a profession. Maybe I could incorporate it with ministry too. So "I decided" to finish college and put the two careers together.
The next two years seemed to be a waste. I played tennis on the campus courts more than I studied and I tried doing a little dating. I didn't think girls would like me, but that's another story. Finally, the last year was almost over and I couldn't wait. All I wanted was to get my degree and get out of there. I had enough of: how to build a bigger church, how to preach a better sermon, denominational glorification, carnal and religious knowledge, and trying to please the teachers to get their approval— good grades to advance to the front of the class.
By the end of the school year I didn't care any more, I even started cheating on tests and on term papers. I thought to myself, "This is crazy God, I can't believe I would stoop to this again to prove something, and to whom?" Finally, the last day in one of my classes, I had waited until all the other students left, then I turned in the final exam. Then I went up to the professor and told him that all his classes were a waste of time, then I walked out of the classroom with my term paper—which counted as a third of my grade—still in my hand. In four years all I ever got from him were C's, even though he seldom, if ever, read them. And his tests were absurd. (These were not exclusively my opinions.) He would lecture every day, whether anyone was listening or not. Most didn't listen and he didn't seem to care either, and that's pretty sad. Thank God, not all the teachers were like him.
Years later I prayed and forgave him and the school of man's religion and asked God to forgive them also. They just didn't know any better then or now. I know they meant well and they probably loved God very much, but Bible colleges of organized religion are usually futile if your desire is to really know God. (That is accomplished by spending time with Him on your knees.) Needless to say I failed the class and I never went back to get the six remaining credits necessary to graduate with a degree and to receive my sheepskin. I felt that if God were to ever use me in ministry, it would be his call, and not from the approval of man.
Four years had gone by and all I had now were a lot books (which I later burned) and a lot of human opinion. But something else happened; I lost my faith in God. Studying for man had replaced my personal hunger and love for God. And now I was worse off than when I started college. (25 years later I understood why; religion kills faith. Besides, it is God who makes ministers: apostles, prophets, teachers, evangelists and pastors, and not man.)
Four years had gone by and all I had now were a lot books (which I later burned) and a lot of human opinion. But something else happened; I lost my faith in God. Studying for man had replaced my personal hunger and love for God. And now I was worse off than when I started college. (25 years later I understood why; religion kills faith. Besides, it is God who makes ministers: apostles, prophets, teachers, evangelists and pastors, and not man.)
After that experience, I continued to paint full time, selling my oil paintings and getting a lot of recognition through the media (newspaper and magazine articles plus some TV coverage). I also bought a lot of things to try to fill the emptiness I felt. By the time I was 23 years of age I had purchased an older house (that I remodeled); it looked over a beautiful lake. I also bought a new sports car convertible, a ski boat, a new 25' motor home, a new motorcycle and two German Shepherds, that traveled with me around the U.S. while doing art shows.
I was the picture of success. But, I was also lonely and sometimes felt miserable; however the "gift or talent of painting" continued to improve and was enjoyable. Art was also rewarding, but at what price? I always gave God the credit for the talent, but seldom did I witness. Something had changed including my relationship with God. One prayer I often repeated was, God, please do not take your Holy Spirit from me.
Nearly eighteen years had passed before God and I really connected again. Yes, there where times in between when I would repent, like going to a priest for confession every few years when guilt settles in. I went to church sometimes, mostly to pick up girls who were often shallow like me. I did numerous art shows around the country and eventually I met a special young lady at one show in Denver, Colorado. She was the prettiest girl I ever dated and I married her seven month later. But still, marriage didn't satisfy the burning ache inside of me, because of the one I had left back when I was 2o years old in college. I didn't realize I chosen a career without Jesus. I had taken some steps of submission, but I later failed. Thank God for his never ending love and second chances.
Although I believe it was God's will for me at the time to go to the Bible Collage, I would be cautious to recommend it to any one, unless they too felt it was God's will. (Many Bible colleges have become universities now offering liberal art courses and medical training, and are helpful for other careers.) College did teach me the ways of organized religion, but eventually God revealed to me its dangers—which I had to eventually repent from. I also see the result of their teachings in most churches and ministries today.
The real mistake I and many other people made and make, is that when God gives us a choice of what we want to do, he wants to hear us say, "Lord, whatever you want me to do; that's what I want." Then he could of said something like, "I want you to be an artist, a teacher or a missionary for me," and it would of been different, because God and I would of been working together. When I was 42 years old, God asked me to lay down my profession and learn from him, my new boss.
Now I'm doing what He wants me to do. I'm no longer an artist but I'm trained and prepared for His ministry as one of God's sons. At the age of 63 I'm still learning, but now it is almost time to graduate. Despite the cross and the costs, serving Jesus is everything to me. Whatever your occupation or career, make sure it's God's choice for you. Do you see and understand the difference? I hope so. His choice verses ours, that's the real question. Who's in control? You can't call him Lord Jesus and do what you want.
The good news is, it seems that whatever course in life we take or chose, God somehow has a way of using those experiences. Regardless of whether they're His perfect will or not—good or bad. He can use them to develop character and/or humility in our lives, to fulfill His ultimate plans for us, that is if we surrender them and ourselves to Him. He is able to use them and us to touch humanity in ways we would not have been able to do before. Every experience can eventually bring us closer to Him and fulfill our career with God.
The real mistake I and many other people made and make, is that when God gives us a choice of what we want to do, he wants to hear us say, "Lord, whatever you want me to do; that's what I want." Then he could of said something like, "I want you to be an artist, a teacher or a missionary for me," and it would of been different, because God and I would of been working together. When I was 42 years old, God asked me to lay down my profession and learn from him, my new boss.
Now I'm doing what He wants me to do. I'm no longer an artist but I'm trained and prepared for His ministry as one of God's sons. At the age of 63 I'm still learning, but now it is almost time to graduate. Despite the cross and the costs, serving Jesus is everything to me. Whatever your occupation or career, make sure it's God's choice for you. Do you see and understand the difference? I hope so. His choice verses ours, that's the real question. Who's in control? You can't call him Lord Jesus and do what you want.
The good news is, it seems that whatever course in life we take or chose, God somehow has a way of using those experiences. Regardless of whether they're His perfect will or not—good or bad. He can use them to develop character and/or humility in our lives, to fulfill His ultimate plans for us, that is if we surrender them and ourselves to Him. He is able to use them and us to touch humanity in ways we would not have been able to do before. Every experience can eventually bring us closer to Him and fulfill our career with God.
"I know the plans the I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you...and I will restore..." (Jer. 29:11-14)
