Attitude

How often have we complained about rules and regulations? And yet, we should know these mandates are necessary in order for things to be accomplished in society, in life and in following God.

After I had written the last entry in my Blog, "Where Is Your Heart?" I felt that God wanted me to wait on writing anything else. I was upset because I had just begun and now God was asking me to wait. Sadly and with tears I obeyed. During this three week period God began showing me things, things I'm ready to share. And last night, God spoke some things to me, one of which was, "I release you to speak." So with that I begin.

During this time the question, Where is your heart? kept coming back to mind. What was my motive for writing? I believed God wanted me to have this Blog, even though I didn't fully understand why. I'm not a great writer like Brennan Manning, nor do I have the spiritual knowledge of humble men like Sheldon David. But God had His reason for the blog, and He wants me to do it right. So, what was my motive behind writing? Was what I had to say coming from a heart of love, or a desire to impress or correct people? (as if I've got my own act together at this time). Truth can be shared, but how it is done is another story. I'm still learning and dealing with my emotions and circumstances daily. Sometimes I don't feel like or look like a shining example. Sometimes the enemy attacks me with fears, doubts and accusations, like, "Who do you think you are?" Yet, I know who I am and that I hear God's voice. And, so I speak.

As I was waiting on God, I asked Him to reveal things that need to be changed in me. Then I began to wake up in the middle of the night; but, I would just roll over and go back to sleep. Finally, one night I was awoken by someone shaking my leg. I looked and there was no one visible. Yet I knew it was God, or one of His angels. God had done this before, when He wanted to get my attention about something important. While laying there, I asked Him what He wanted of me, but there was no response. I was very tired, so I mumbled a prayer and fell back to sleep. Then, I was awakened by a beep going off in my ear, and again I asked, but received no reply. I fell asleep again, only to be awakened by the Lord saying, "Beatitudes" in my ear. I turned the light on and read Matthew 5:1-16 again and again, meditating upon it - especially versus 3-5. I slowly realized that the Lord wanted me to change my attitude - to realize my own desperate need, to be poor in spirit, to be broken and humble, and to do what is right from a pure heart.

The next few days I talked with my friend Sheldon about what God was doing, because God was still shaking me in the middle of the night like a parent trying to get his child up for school. However, I didn't stay in bed longer, but got up and prayed in my living room for an hour or longer. I really liked the personal attention the shaking was giving me, but after the fourth day I realized I wasn't a child any more, that God wasn't going to keep shaking me. I needed to learn to get up on my own when God was beckoning me (even when I'm tired), to seek His will for my life, also to pray for others. These are desperate times, calling for desperate measures; we need to be on our faces pursuing God, and not only when it's convenient. We need to be asking God for mercy and grace, and we need to be saying, "Lord , here am I, send me." On the fifth night, I woke up just after 1 PM without God shaking me, yet I was tired and went back to sleep (old habits are hard to break). I woke up an hour later and said, "next time," thinking I would get just a little more sleep before getting out of bed. While laying there thinking about what I had just said, I became saddened and grieved over my apathy; so I got up.

What does it take for God to get our attention and for us to respond? I see apathy in so many people especially within the Church. Too often many of us think or hope everything will improve with little or no effort on our part. How would it make us feel if we needed help from a friend, neighbor, or from God, and the response was, "next time" or "I'm too tired"? Human nature has a tendency to put off until later what needs to be done today. It's called procrastination! As sons of God, we have the responsibility to not sit back, but to act. Our words and faith must be followed by actions.

And so I have seen the need to change my heart. Therefore, I have asked God to forgive me. My desire is to do everything His way.

Matthew 26:41 says, "The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak," therefore, we must make every effort to keep our flesh, attitudes and actions subject to the will of the Holy Spirit within us. By subjecting our flesh daily, we will see Christ's plan fulfilled in our lives and in others' lives. When operating within Christ's humble nature, God gives all his sons and daughters all His power and authority. Jesus first demonstrated love and compassion by what He said and did. He met the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of others - this was His passion. Revealing the Father's love was His mission. But, He also spoke harsh words, rebukes and turned over the tables of the religious system. He exposed the hearts of men and the lies of religious people (those who chose to ignore His words), yet His rebukes still came from a heart of love. It is my desire to follow His example. And so the journey begins...